Nebraska “Butt Bandit” is Busted

More and more people are asking plastic surgeons for buttocks augmentation.

Mostly, they just want to look better in clothes or swim wear, especially in places like Los Angeles where you can spend a lot of time pool side or at the beach. Women especially enjoy having a curvier figure in any location.

But a 35-year-old man in Nebraska was recently sentenced to 13 months in jail for showing off too much of his rear. How?

He left imprints of his rear end on windows. Even though he did not steal anything - except maybe a new record for bad taste and gross behavior - locals in Valentine, Nebraska, started calling him the "Butt Bandit" although nobody inquired if he had buttocks enhancement surgery.

Whatever the case, it looks like he was really proud of his hind quarters.

He left the buttock marks by smearing his rear with Vaseline and then backing into windows to leave an unmistakable likeness of his nether regions. Then, he disappeared into the night.

Complaints from local citizenry poured in so the police put their own hinnies into action looking for their man.

During the wee hours one night, he was caught red-handed in the act of leaving his calling card. Later, he was charged with eight misdemeanor counts of public indecency and one of disturbing the peace. (Read more about the buttocks caper.) He was sentenced to a year in jail.

For ordinary people not interested in public indecency and who only want a better looking behind, here's how plastic surgeons perform buttocks augmentation:

They take fat from your own body, carefully prepare it and inject it back throughout the layers of your buttocks muscles.

Once the new fat finds a blood supply, the buttocks become more shapely and rounder. A little liposuction above and below the buttocks make things look even better. Many women patients say the procedure complements a breast augmentation.

Somebody should rewrite the old refrain about writing on walls and defacing property. You probably remember the old version, "Fools names, like their faces, and are often seen in public places."

But, hey, that's a tough assignment. Hardly anything rhymes with "buttocks"!

How would you write the rhyme?